Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
