im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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