2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
cat food counts as protein by the way
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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