Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
