Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
