I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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