Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
