you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
