Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
