Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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