I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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