This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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