Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
