before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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