So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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