I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I am naked and annoyed.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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