I'm gonna have a badass scar
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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