Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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