Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
