I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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