Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
