I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
