i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
