We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
