My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
