Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
