I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
