after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It was confusing and full of hummus
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Randomize
