something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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