if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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