I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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