So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
All the doctor said was why
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
