How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
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I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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