hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
