You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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