my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
