Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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