Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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