I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
