last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
