I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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