I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
