What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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