She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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