There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
