Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
