Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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