I'm jealous of your bromance
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
