Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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