i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
