I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
