a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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