No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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