A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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