We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
