Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
