Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
