I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
