I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
