I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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