There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
