At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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