This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
