it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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