Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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