i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
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