Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
