Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
