So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
