She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
